Nick Markakis is a very valuable part of any Braves' lineup configuration. He carries a .337 wOBA and 113 wRC+ into play today, along with an obscene .392 OBP. That's good! His .066 ISO might as well be potassium benzoate, because that's bad. Over the past month or so, Nick Markakis has been moved from the leadoff spot, as Jace Peterson has emerged as a quality leadoff type in his own right. However, Neck has moved to a spot in the order that is ideal for the antiquated Nick Markakis; the clean-up spot. For new Neck, this is bad. He doesn't have anywhere near the power necessary to protect Freddie Freeman (who should be hitting fourth, more on that later). I've seen potato batteries contain more of a charge than Nick's bat. Once again, this isn't a bad thing when you carry what can be classified as a "stupid high walk rate." (12.9%!!!) However, it might be time to figure out a new role for Neck in the lineup. So it's time for that thing you sickos do when you combine bodily functions with handedness; Lineup...erbation? Plus I'll add little blips to highlight each player's season. So there's that too.

LEADOFF: NECK

For the reasons mentioned above, Nick Markakis is a pretty ideal fit for the leadoff spot. I was thinking about putting Jace Peterson because I believe he might be able to sustain his pretty high BABIP (.335) with DAT SPEED, but Neck's floor with that walk rate is about .340-.350 OBP going forward. Jace's is fairly lower (.320-.330 range), so Nick Markakis and his OBP ways are king here.

2 HOLE: MAYBIN

Cameron Maybin has been an absolute revelation for the Braves. From Top 10 prospect to a tantalizing 4 WAR 2011 to a throw in contract for the Kimbrel trade, Maybin's stock had careened faster than something that careens really fast. I don't know, like a boulder rolling down a mountain or something. Seitzer DA GAWD has really helped Cameron Maybin in virtually every facet of his offensive game to the tune of a .348 wOBA and a 121 wRC+. There's been a litany of articles highlighting the amazing changes in Maybin's game this year, so because I'm a jamoke who doesn't quite understand O-swing, Z-swing, O-Town swing or BoyZone-swing, I'll just link one at the end. Cameron Maybin has probably been the 2nd biggest contributor on offense this year, and he's another high OBP guy with a 10%+ walk rate. He's worthy of the very valuable 2nd spot in the order, which truly signifies how far his game has come. http://www.fangraphs.com/blogs/the-braves-are-salvaging-a-salary-dump/

3 MAN: JACE

Jace Peterson has also been a revelation for the Braves this year. Included in the Padres trade for Justin Upton because the Braves needed something...ANYTHING at 2nd base (he was blocked off by Jedd Gyorko--tee hee-- in San Diego), Jace has indeed gotten on base; to the tune of a 10.7% walk rate (PRAISE SEITZER) and the aforementioned .335 BABIP. However, most of Jace's value this year has been derived from his superb defense at the Keystone, where in the past the Braves have had a Keystone cop and walking can of Keystone Light known as Dan Uggla patrolling the area. His offensive skillset is valuable at the top of the order; he's walked at every level and his speed might keep the BABIP above .300. However, I don't think he can get on base like Neck, and he's not a better hitter than Maybin. Therefore, he gets dumped in the 3rd spot, which isn't an ideal fit if--or when--his average drops, but this swath of hitting talent is far from ideal so I guess it kind of fits.

CLEANUP MAN: FREDDIE

I don't really have much to say about Freddie. He hugs people, can stretch to disgusting lengths at first, and is by far the best hitter on this team. That's why he's here. There's stats and stuff that'll back that up, but we all know he's the best. Why bother? Here's a song I really like by Betty Wright. Beyonce sampled it once, and it's somewhat relevant. Here ya go.

5ive: KAY JAY with a Righty, CEE JAY with a Lefty

Oh y'all gon get some Jamiroquai at the end of this one. Kelly Johnson's back!!! Praise the lord, because it gets kind of ugly after him. In the event of a RHP, Kelly's been pretty aces this year. He's been carrying that .236 ISO like a mafioso's violin case, offering mad protection for Freddie when healthy. He'll likely get dealt at the trade deadline as the Braves play themselves out of contention, but for now he's the guy who should see most of the ABs behind Freddie. CJ mashes lefties this year like he did last year (.428 wOBA and 177 wRC+ against LHP in 2014), so he should get the ABs behind Freddie when facing lefties.

NOTE: DAT BASS GUYS AND GALS

SIX SIX SIX: Gomes/Cunningham with a Lefty, Uribe with a Righty

This isn't a Satan thing, it's an Everything is Terrible...thing. Jonny Gomes is another right handed bat that hits lefties hard (.377 wOBA and 140 wRC+ in 40 ABs this season). Other than that, he offers little else other than a nice power bench bat, so he'll be utilized here when the Braves face southpaws. Juan Uribe is a man who broke my heart. But the healing begins with New Fat Juan (RIP in peace Old Fat Juan), who also plays 3B. His greatest value will be on the defensive end of the 3rd base platoon, and his bat is not too different from the 7 hole hitter. However, Uribe has a better offensive reputation as of late than that player, so he'll get slotted here against righties. It wouldn't break my heart if you switch the two though.

DEGARMO AND KEY LOL

SE7EN: SIMMONS

Andrelton Simmons was going to be better than we thought he'd be. The walk rate was up, he was driving the ball to all fields; a .750 OPS seemed to be within his grasp. However, old habits die hard; the walk rate came back down from 8ish% to 6ish%, and a normalized BABIP sees him hovering just below a .700 OPS. Which is great for his value as an overall player; we've all said that if Simmons keeps near league average with the bat that his defensive provides 3-4 WAR value. Hopefully with more Seitzer in his life there will be an improved plate discipline that leads to that walk rate creeping back up; for now the bat is relegated to the seven spot.

Remember WCW? Poor Dustin Rhodes

EIGHT: C-BETH/AJ/WIL NIEVES/EDDIE PEREZ

The offense that the Braves have gotten from the position has been awful lately. After a torrid April, AJ Pierzynski had a brutal May, although he's gotten off to a better start in June. However, he's 37 years old and league average with the bat. On this team which is not a contender, he really shouldn't be getting the lion's share of the ABs as long as C-Beth provides something with his--he's not providing anything offensively, right? Yup, C-Beth's first year has been a disaster at the plate; a miserable plate approach that utilizes nothing in his offensive skillset has led to a comically awful .228 wOBA and a 40 wRC+ on the year. I like C-Beth's defense, but something has to be done about that hideous 3% walk rate and fat Andruw Jones-esque propensity to swing at every breaking ball in the dirt. Until then, just nuke the position from orbit.

(NOTE: Wil Nieves included because he spells his name like a jerk, Eddie Perez included just because I like him)

WRAP UP:

There's my improved Braves lineup. I'm pretty positive that it's better than what's currently being rolled out by Fredi, but I'm also fairly sure that it could be better if I knew more about line drive rates, xBABIPs, the aforementioned O and Z-swings, etc. So if you think alterations could be made for the better, provide them below. Other than that, RIP Dusty Rhodes. You had more charisma in your belly welly than the rest of the wrestling world combined.