Newbie Guide
by GoBravesNY on Jan 13, 2010 10:13 PM EST
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PrintIt was many and many a month ago,
in a kingdom three hours from Garfield
That a stadium lie there who you may know
By the name of Turner Field
And this stadium had no other design
Than to be home to the Atlanta Braves
I was a fan and she had my team,
in that kingdom three hours from Garfield
But I loved the Braves, and they almost won
In the stadium called Turner Field,
With a love that the missing letter Natinals,
coveted for their outfield
So they swept us in four games
In that kingdom three hours from Garfield
Leaving us out of the postseason
Bringing the offseason to Turner Field
Franky and Co. went to work
To build a better team
What's this you say?
You don't know who's new
In the kingdom three hours from Garfield
Take a look below and you shall see
Who's who and who's new
And who will play by the zoo
At the kingdom called Turner Field
2 things before I begin:
1) Yes, I based this off a poem, although I want to see if anyone can pick it up
2) I actually only did this because I wanted to write poetry (slow times)
So, there was talk for a Newbie Guide in terms of nicknames and I was bored, so here you go:
ATJ – All Thumbs Jefferson for Kelly Johnson. I think his old old nickname was Scooter.
Rake – Greg Norton because he looks like a tool in his picture last year
Imhotep or Mummy guy – Infante because he looks like the guy from the mummy
3U – Kotchman for hitting weak grounders to 1st base
Leon, the Professional, the glider, FUGA – Garret Anderson, professional hitter and defensive glider.
Heap – McCann. His friends gave him the nickname I believe.
SWAGGA – BJones
Logan Shaver – Mr. Schafer because ESPN announcers are dumbfucks.
FYF – Frenchy you Fuck or Frenchy you Freak when he’s good.
Rev – Jorge Campillo. I forgot what this one stood for. Revelation?
Other stuff
Vidro – double play
Walk – something that doesn’t help you score runs
OPS guy – #44
-courtesy of VIctorW
Captain Caveman- Matty D. Given to him by NCChopper, we think
Manny I'll Cost Ya- Manny Acosta. Should be self explanatory
The Aussie- Moylan. Pretty Obvious
Nasty Nate- Nate McLouth. Not sure how he got it
Odarp- Prado spelled backwards
Jesus- sometimes used as a nickname for Tommy, although very sparingly
The Jay Hay Kid-Heyward, also used very sparingly
Anything I missed? (Oh yeah, now I feel stupid because I'm getting that this will be deleted. C'est la vie)
This FanPost does not express the views or opinions of Talking Chop.
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I'll get poetic for you...
Get Ready Atlanta,
alert the purists and gods.
Meet Jason Heyward,
Stand up and applaud.
He’s a hometown prodigy.
A 5-tool guy.
Jeff Francoeur 2.0,
but he’ll surpass the hype
The future is upon us,
he’ll rewrite histories pages.
So get ready Atlanta,
this is one for the ages.
Martin Praydo is another one for Prado. So is Marteeny Weeeny, but that’s just a dumb one i made up.
I called Mike Gonzalez “Monkeyman” since he looks like a freakin monkey on the mound.
“Oh fuck” is also something I frequently use when Bobby brings in Acosta to pitch or Norton to pinch hit.
That’s about it…
Remember folks, I'm almost always wrong.
"Let Jason Heyward start the season in RF, and get the hell out of his way."
Tyreke Evans for Rookie of the Year.
Peyton Manning = Best Quarterback of all time.
At Arizona, our basketball team doesn't rebuild...we re-load.
2010 WS title
A miracle from all of the gods of olympia
by MO'toole on Jan 14, 2010 3:50 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
ouch….haha…
He's pretty good in 'The Show'....
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 14, 2010 4:47 PM EST up reply actions
Capt Caveman was not from our broadcasters, but rather, NCChopper, IIRC.
Also, Nitram is another one for Odarp.
Hero – Chipper
HWSNBN – FYF
"My team of nine guys who hit like Albert Pujols and never ever bunt just beat your team with one Shane Victorino 472 to 3."
by justincredubil02 on Jan 14, 2010 8:56 AM EST reply actions
nitram?
He's pretty good in 'The Show'....
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 14, 2010 4:08 PM EST up reply actions
martin….dammit…lol…got it…
He's pretty good in 'The Show'....
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 14, 2010 4:08 PM EST up reply actions
You might be right about the Caveman thing
The only thing I remember was the first time I heard it it was on a sunday and she said something about it originating the day before…..
(insert Jew comment here- looks for bravos1984)
"Ain't no sense worrying: If you have no control over something, ain't no sense worrying about it -you have no control over it anyway. If you do have control, why worry? So either way, there ain't no sense worrying."
-Mickey Rivers
Capt Caveman..I think...
Was Johnny Damon first to be called that when he and the rest of the red socks supported beards?
All Nates/Nathans are Nasty Nates…its just world law…
"Hey Fat Kid...the monster is right behind you! RUNNNN!!" -The Host
Nathan Lane?
Heyward,Hanson,and Shaffer r ready now!! Why do you think they havent signed the "right handed bat"?
by fatazfoot on Jan 7, 2009 8:59 PM EST
is that the guy from ‘the birdcage’?
He's pretty good in 'The Show'....
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 14, 2010 4:08 PM EST up reply actions
No, that’s the guy from The Lion King…
I wrote a novel, it's about baseball, you should buy it: https://www.createspace.com/3407939
www.dropoutproductions.com
is that the guy from ‘the birdcage’ and ‘the lion king’?** haha…
He's pretty good in 'The Show'....
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 14, 2010 4:48 PM EST up reply actions
No, it’s kind of a joke where you never let someone recognize an actor by their worst movie. It’s like when Patrick Swayze died and everyone was like, “the guy from Dirty Dancing” I kept yelling, “the guy from Roadhouse, or Point Break, or Red Dawn, or Donnie Darko, anything but Dirty Dancing!”
I wrote a novel, it's about baseball, you should buy it: https://www.createspace.com/3407939
www.dropoutproductions.com
There was once
This radio skeeze who went to another radio station’s promotion when they had Kareem Abdul-Jabbar doing an interview, and he got his way to the front of the crowd section, and kept calling Jabbar “Murdock,” his name from Airplane.
I thought it was hilarious, because Jabbar was clearly getting pissed, but I guess that’s what he gets when he refuses to do any interviews about anything basketball related.
No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.
Gotcha...
and I was about to say, who was Swayze in Donnie Brasco? That’d be an amazing casting call if he was in that movie.
Nasty Nate Lane
"Hey Fat Kid...the monster is right behind you! RUNNNN!!" -The Host
by bwellnjonesco on Jan 14, 2010 7:19 PM EST up reply actions
i wonder if they use FYF, HWSNBN, and failcouer on amazin’ ave?….lol
He's pretty good in 'The Show'....
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 14, 2010 4:53 PM EST reply actions
Pujols=God, yesno?
"Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror." ~George Carlin
I’ve got the poem — “In Flanders Field,” right? It’s gorgeous.
Good adaptation! Who says high and middle-brow culture can’t coexist?
Survey says
25. Top answer was Poe’s Annabel Lee. I wrote based off Annabel Lee but realize that either works
"Ain't no sense worrying: If you have no control over something, ain't no sense worrying about it -you have no control over it anyway. If you do have control, why worry? So either way, there ain't no sense worrying."
-Mickey Rivers
I knew it. I had to memorize that poem in middle school. I wonder how many Poe/Braves parodies we could do? I might write a version of The Cask of Amontillado where Wren tricks Glavine and locks him up in a wall underneath the Ted.
"Dum spiro spero"
by Bravely going forward on Jan 15, 2010 12:14 AM EST up reply actions
awfully nerdy, i know
"Dum spiro spero"
by Bravely going forward on Jan 15, 2010 1:40 AM EST up reply actions
probably my favorite Poe poem…
Heyward,Hanson,and Shaffer r ready now!! Why do you think they havent signed the "right handed bat"?
by fatazfoot on Jan 7, 2009 8:59 PM EST
i wrote a song about fred mcgriff back in like 7th grade to the tune of killing me softly…..lol….sue me…
Berryhill/Olson...
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 18, 2010 7:03 PM EST up reply actions
good call
"SIGN PUJOLS OR FIRE WREN" ~ Swo12bv
by Smoltz's Beard on Jan 21, 2010 9:52 AM EST up reply actions
EOF, Pits
EOF – End of File for computer geeks, but Eric O’Flaherty in these pages.
Pits – obsolete for the Braves, but still one of my favorite: assigned to catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia, since the name on the back of his jersey reached from one armpit to the other.
Smash Heyward
Can we please start this guy out with a good nickname? I don’t want Stu Scott to call him Jay Hey and that be the end of it
by freekhalidelamin on Jan 17, 2010 8:52 PM EST reply actions
Are we forgetting...
Frenchy for Francoeur
Smelly for Kelly Johnson
The J-Hey Kid has to stick for Heyward. It’s just too good.
We also need nicknames for Glaus. Off the top of my head, Glausome doesn’t sound too bad.
B-Mac, Nasty Nate, Odarp are all good ones.
I like K squared for Kawakami
Tommy Gun for Tommy Hanson
Hooks(pocket jacks are called fish hooks or hooks in poker) for Jair Jurrjens
I think Yunel needs a better nickname
Meds for Kris Medlen
Jo-Jo Reyes is Jo-Jo the Idiot Circus Boy, or JJTICB and that is not up for debate
Have a great story about a girl friend who had phone sex with Jordan Schafer when he was drunk. So I motion his new nickname be Phone Sex until further notice!
u had a gf that had phone sex with shafe? idk how i would feel about that…
Berryhill/Olson...
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 18, 2010 3:12 PM EST up reply actions
I guess it would all depend on if she likes blackberrys or iphones better.
"My team of nine guys who hit like Albert Pujols and never ever bunt just beat your team with one Shane Victorino 472 to 3."
by justincredubil02 on Jan 18, 2010 5:42 PM EST up reply actions
i like iphones…umm..i mean….damn….lol
Berryhill/Olson...
by lemke2blauser2bream on Jan 18, 2010 6:56 PM EST up reply actions
+1 for JoJo the Idiot Circus Boy
"SIGN PUJOLS OR FIRE WREN" ~ Swo12bv
by Smoltz's Beard on Jan 21, 2010 9:55 AM EST up reply actions
Not my girlfriend
A girl (space) friend. It was when he was in the minors about to be called up. I found out about it when I moved to Nashville and met her and he was already with the club last year. She said he’s acts thuggish, which kind of makes sense, and is really stuck up. Figures.
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