I'll go ahead and start...
1. Why didn't you walk Alex Gordon?
2. Does your wife have a tattoo ring too?
3. Why do you keep batting Andrelton Simmons in the leadoff spot?
4. Do the torn UCLs of injured relievers haunt you at night?
5. Seriously, are you completely unaware that Simmons OBP is less than 1% better than B.J. Upton's?
6. How come you never get thrown out of games?
7. Do you and Gerald Laird ever switch clothes to trick the players, front office guys, your wives, etc.?