FanPost

A Proposal to Bring Together the Anti-Heyward and Pro-Heyward Factions


This is my first FanPost so please be gentle (and I am trying to do a poll with it).  Nevertheless, mastermike's anti-Heyward post and the "discussion" in that post have prompted me to act.  So in my best Congress-speak, I move that both the pro-Heyward and anti-Heyward factions adopt the following proposal.  Members of Talking Chop can vote on the proposal in the comments or in the poll.

WHEREAS we all wish the Braves to win and Heyward to succeed, whether or not we think Heyward should be moved down in the order, benched, or placed on the disabled list;

WHEREAS baseball, maybe more than any other sport, has a long history of superstitions, such as the pitcher not stepping on the baseline on his way to and from the mount;

WHEREAS the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, when applied (liberally) to sports, provides that we cannot know for certain if a seemingly unrelated action, such as the actions of fans on Talking Chop, affect the performance of a sports team, such as the Braves;

and WHEREAS mastermike made an anti-Heyward post last night, suggesting that Heyward should be moved down in the order or benched, and Heyward subsequently lined the game winning hit to center in the bottom of the ninth;

BE IT RESOLVED that we shall take the following course of action:

1.  An anti-Heyward poster, such as mastermike, shall make an anti-Heyward fanpost or fanshoot every day on which the Braves play.

2.  Heyward will respond by doing something important to help the Braves win.

3.  Braves win.

4.  Pro-Heyward faction will then be happy because Heyward's performance proves them right and the Braves are winning.

5.  Anti-Heyward faction will then be happy because they know that their actions are causing Heyward's performance and the Braves are winning.

6.  As both factions are then happy, the snarkiness between the two will be lessened (although not completely eliminated because some snarkiness if fun).

6.  When this works, the Talking Chop nation will consider expanding the program to other slumping players.

BY THESE MEANS we, the membership of Talking Chop, shall ensure Talking Chop tranquility, the ascendance of Heyward to the elite level where we all know he belongs, and, most importantly, that the Braves finish off the Phillies to win the division, and subsequently take the pennant and the World Series.

This FanPost does not express the views or opinions of Talking Chop.

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