Things Read in Other Moms' Basements - Around the NL East 04.17.10

Greeting and salutations, to a very special edition of News and Vital Information, Sought and Studied, in the Subterranean Levels of the Mothers of Individuals Not Our Own. Here, we strive to achieve a level of discourse meant to be acceptable to all individuals, regardless of your personal preference. All, while sharing a sample of news and vital information that our opposition may have been reading throughout the last seven passings of the moon.

Why yes, my accent is British.

Doth Mister Strasburg have a numeric restriction to how many innings of baseball allowed to perform? - Hard Ball Talk
The oft-declared to be the penultimate symbol of evil incarnate, Mister Boras claims that his young ward, Mister Strasburg is only permitted to hurl approximately 100 innings. The Nationals of Washington D.C. dispute such allegations, claiming that 150-160 is more adequate.

Mister McGuire, Deck, may be satisfactory contingency plan in the event that Young Harper is selected not - Washington Post
Currently, the sphere-hurler of the Technical Institution of Georgia, Mr. McGuire is top-heralded hurling prospect. If the Nationals of Washington D.C. doth choose not the youthful Mister Harper, could McGuire be the alternative option?

Mister Willingham aspires for multiple years of adequate compensation - MLB Trade Rumors
Mister Willingham has contributed slight above adequate for the majority of his career, and he now doth seek monetary security throughout the next few worldly revolutions. As a satisfactory 2.4+ WAR individual, such demands may result in genuine consideration.

Mister Bergmann demoted to the A's of Threes in favor of Mister Olsen - MLB.com
Due to the demonstration of evident velocity, the Nationals of Washington D.C. hath decided to retrieve Mister Olsen, in exchange for the inconsistent Mister Bergmann. Additionally relayed in the link of the world wide web, a young Mister Maxwell has been summoned from the A's of Three to potentially usurp the position currently incapable being resided by a combination of Mister Harris and Tavarez.

'Tis unfortunate, to be Roderick Barajas - MLB.com
Mister Santana was the unfortunate victim to Mister Willingham, who deftly swung the Louisville Slugger, striking the sphere of rawhide with enough force to deliver it outside of the boundaries of the playing field. However, there was mass hysteria from the officiating conglomerate, who were unable to deduce the proper conclusion to the batted baseball immediately. As true professionals are intructed, the Nationals of Washington's combatants continued to encircle the base bags as if the series of playing events were still fair. Mister Dunn propelled his large physical being into the slightly smaller physical frame of Mister Barajas, causing violent impact. Mister Dunn proceeded to score, however, Mister Barajas was capable of recovering quick enough to receive a second impact from the oncoming Mister Willingham. Immediately afterward, the officiating conglomerate drew the conclusion that the subsequent strike from Mister Willingham was indeed the almighty "grand slam," and was thus credit with four baseball players expedited around the bases. Poor Mister Barajas.

Mister Dye doth not have employment due to the pigment of his epidermis, undoubtedly - Washington Post
Mister Hudson, Orlando doth believe that fellow American of African descent, Mister Dye struggles to seek employment due to the color of his epidermis. Ignoring the facts that Mister Dye had chosen to not accept the generous offer from the Nationals of Washington to play baseball for them. Also ignoring the fact that necessary, it is not, for Mister Dye to unpluck his offspring and spouse from their residence in Arizona if a solitary revolution of the Earth was all that was being offered. Also ignoring the obvious situation that two other Americans of African descent, Mister Howard, and Mister Fielder will very likely be receiving large sums of currency for their skilled trade come the end of the season of baseball. Also ignoring the surrounding situation that a youthful American of African descent, Mister Heyward is one of the most astounding tales of this particular season of baseball. To paraphrase, Mister Hudson, ahem, "get real.?"

Mister Cantu stamps his name into the scrolls of history - MLB.com
In the first ten contests of the season of baseball, Mister Cantu hath delivered both a successful base hit as well as a compatriot delievered safely to the home plate. Such a feat done never before, has it. Salutations, Mister Cantu.

Commander Gonzalez concerned over the defensive ineptitude of his squad - Miami Herald
In conclusive, Mister Fredi simply doth not conceive the notion that such abysmal defense shant last throughout the duration of an entire season of baseball.

Mister Stapp serenades Gaia with his cooing of the Marlins - EVERYBODY ON THE INTERNET
This one implores, that if thou chooses to view such musical mastery, that they use discretion.

Mortal combat erupts in the stadium of Landsharks, excuse me, Sun Life - Huffington Post
Youths of Miami opt to settle their differnces with opposing youths with fisticuffs.

Mister Rollins hurts calf, may miss up to 30 moons - Philly.com
The condition is considered a grade of 2, thus resulting in mayhaps an entire months worth of moons to pass before he doth return to the venue of competition. In the absence of Mister Rollins, Mister Castro, Juan will be summoned to replace him. In the order of clubbers, Mister Victorino will assume the duties of the first one to attack.

Mister Howard thanks Mister Bonds for . . . advice - MLB.com
Quoth Mister Howard:

"We worked. We talked. We did a little bit of everything,"

Mayhaps the aformentioned "everything" included batting practice, the cream, striking the sphere to the opposite direction, the clear, defying the conundrum of the magical shift, HGH, concentration in position, as well as the oil of Flaxseed?

Mister Pedro wishes to come forth halfway through - The Sporting News
Mister Pedro is in negotiations with the Philadelphians of Philadelphia in regards to possibly allowing himself to ride aboard the stallion of gravy midway through the season of baseball, to yet another cameo appearance in the season of post.

Philadelphians enjoying best preliminary in 17 years - MLB.com
Regardless of the irrefutable fact that their first eight games were against the Nationals, the Astronauts, and then the Nationals again, the Philadelphians' 7-1 preliminary record marks the most superior standing in 17 years - when the Philadelphians went to the Series of the World then as well.

Unruly hooligan deliberately excretes bile onto law authority's offspring - Philly.com
Additional desciptors doth not necessary.

"Blogger" of rival Good Phight site of the internet makes incredible catch of sphere - The Good Phight
This one had his opportunity to catch a live sphere; during the season of last, when the Yankees of Old York invaded Atlanta, Elder Jones fouled a sphere off of Elder Pettitte, and it soared high and right towards this one. Unfortunately, this one was equipped with the fingers of butter, and the sphere emerged from my grip and down the adjacent tunnel. The fair maiden accompanying this one that eve impressed, she was not.

If win not, is what Commander Manual can contribute, then the Metropolitans may summon Commander Valentine - New York Daily News
Rumors adrift in regards to the daunting schedule of April for the Metropolitans, as well as speculation of the departure of both Mister Manual and Mister Minaya if the Metropolitans continue to lose rapidly. To succeed them, is probable to be Mister Valentine.

Commander Manual wishes to club Mister Reyes in third position, Mister Reyes' health politely objects - MLB.com
As a result of the health and stamina and conditioning of Mister Reyes, Commander Manual appears to face a conundrum of being incapable of fulfilling his greatest desire - to insert Mister Reyes into the third position of clubbers.

Mister Maine faces harsh reality of declining performance - MetsBlog
Speed of sphere hurling hath fallen, as has the innate ability for the spheres to spasm and traverse late in flight hath dissipated. Mayhaps the woes nary exist in the cranium, and not necessarily the appendage?

Mister K-Rod's actions, condoned not even by Metropolitans fans - Mets Today
Within the events of a futile contest, Mister K-Rod yet found it acceptable to hurl a 90mph sphere at the left appendage of Mister Harris of the Nationals of Washington D.C. After nothing more than the tears of gypsies, Mister K-Rod lunges into combat and challenges Mister Harris to a duel. In twist of irony, Metropolitan supporters condone not such actions and behaviors, and the only being to emerge from the fracas as appearing poorly is none other than Mister K-Rod alone.

Repeatedly demonstrating failure has taught Mister Francoeur how to competently club - MLB.com
A fascinating conditioning regiment involving swinging one's club at everything until the subject realizes the inequities of such a practice and develops a better understanding of only swinging one's club at spheres more likely to be competently contacted.