Braves Rhymes
by VivaLosBravos on Aug 4, 2009 2:52 AM EDT
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I've been hanging around Talking Chop a lot lately, and some sort of creative contribution seems like the only way to justify the amount of time I spend here a good way to give back to the community, even if cheesy limericks were the best I could do.
Catcher, Brian McCann
via nationalsreview.files.wordpress.com
All Star selections abound,
For McCann, 60 feet from the mound,
He had problems with vision,
But throws with precision,
And his hitting simply astounds.
First Base, Adam LaRoche
Is LaRoche our lineup’s cure?
Is his home run power pure?
Will chicks dig his long ball?
Is he here for the long haul?
Only Frank Wren knows for sure.
Second Base, Martin Prado
Martin plays second base,
Albeit without much grace,
Pine tar on his right shoulder,
A Freeman placeholder?
First seems to be a better place.
Shortstop, Yunel Escobar
Escobar plays shortstop with flair,
And though his miscues are far from rare,
He relishes the limelight,
Creating highlight after highlight,
In the field as well as his hair.
Third Base, Chipper Jones
The game ain’t over! hold the phones!
Up to bat comes Larry Wayne Jones,
Homers are quotidian,
For this native Floridian,
Whose stare turned Medusa to stone.
Left Field, Garret Anderson
Garret Anderson missed spring training,
But has taken to pitcher-maiming,
He’s old but not bitter (see above),
A professional hitter,
Who rakes like he’s video gaming.
Center Field, Nate McLouth
Pittsburgh’s epic firesale started,
When they sent us Nate the lion hearted,
He’s hit leadoff quite well,
Charlie Morton can go to hell,
And who cares that Gork and Locke have departed?
Right Field, Matt Diaz, Ryan Church, Jeff Francoeur
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The Frenchy trade had us all floored,
Across the fanbase, champagne was poured,
Diaz and Church,
Sure haven’t done worse,
And make us proud to put OBP on the ‘board.
Rotation: Javer Vazquez, Kenshin Kawakami, Derek Lowe, Tommy Hanson, Jair Jurrjens
Our rotation is better than fair,
With an ace like Javier,
Though his persona is meekish,
His K/9 is Lincecum freakish,
And he’d have owned the AL had he been there (STL).
A foray into the international market,
Landed us a top tier target,
Kenshin’s slow breaking ball,
Makes hitters feel small,
They return to the bench, and park it.
His fastball has natural sink,
And his face gets rather pink,
Though his contract’s an onus,
Lowe's stuff can be a bonus,
And perspiration, not performance, makes him stink.
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His Gwinnett days were sheer domination,
As the FO delayed his arbitration,
But his 12 to 6 curve,
Made hitters unnerved,
And advanced him to the heart of Braves Nation.
Haters doubted a repeat from Jair Jurrjens,
His response: some statistical surgin’
Another Curacao-er,
With Andrew’s star power,
Has the NL East funeral dirgin’
Closer, Rafael Soriano
Behold Rafael Soriano,
Who takes hitters on mano a mano,
Opponents’ fans dread high leverage,
And turn to alcoholic beverage,
To escape Raffy’s deadly bravado.
This FanPost does not express the views or opinions of Talking Chop.
23 comments
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Here's mine after watching the Rangers highlight tonight:
We’re f*cking stupid for trading Neftali Feliz,
He would be a beast in the NL East.
We’re f*cking stupid for trading Neftali Feliz,
All he would do against the Phillies and Marlins is feast.
He can throw 100 miles per hour,
Making all the hitters feel sour.
He struck out four tonight,
And the other hitters didn’t even put up a fight.
We officially got killed in that deal,
A move that makes me want John Schierholz to squeal.
All you can do is wonder what Neftali Feliz would’ve been,
in the 2009 Atlanta Braves bullpen.
Shit. Kind of a tough time to be a Braves fan right now. Lets all hope Heyward isn’t out for a while.
7/24/2009 - "The Phillies are too far ahead in the NL East for the Braves to make a run." - Buster Olney
REMEMBER THAT BOYS.
p.s.
i know its not in the right meter or anything for all you English majors out there, but you get the idea of my post.
7/24/2009 - "The Phillies are too far ahead in the NL East for the Braves to make a run." - Buster Olney
REMEMBER THAT BOYS.
by Scott Coleman on Aug 4, 2009 3:10 AM EDT up reply actions
You mean your comment.
A man walks into a meat shoppe and goes to the counter. The cashier asks, "Thinking about buying some meat?". The man replied, "No, I'm going to buy meat, I was thinking about punanny."
by bwellnjonesco on Aug 4, 2009 12:44 PM EDT up reply actions
He pinch hit in the second game yesterday.
Remember, kids...don't ever let facts get in the way of your argument.
by MichaelProcton on Aug 4, 2009 10:56 AM EDT up reply actions
HAHAHA
"...Braves tie! ...Braves tie! ...Braves tie!"
by The Keith Lockhart Era on Aug 6, 2009 12:56 PM EDT up reply actions
In late July we were sweeter than wine
Then Church and Escobar went out
Now we can’t manage a single line drive.
How about this for Cox:
Their skipper Bobby is known for his temper,
But he’s brought generations great joys,
So next time he gets tossed, just remember-
He’s doing it all for his boys.
"When life gives you lemons, just say 'F*ck the lemons,' and bail."
by Bravely going forward on Aug 4, 2009 12:23 PM EDT reply actions
man, i am a sucker for a good limerick. nice work
I would post my one of my favs, but it is rather dirty (as good limericks should be) so heres a PG-13 poem.
There once was a man from McBride,
Who could fart whenever he tried,
At a contest he blew two thousand and two,
Then sh*t and was disqualified.
I thought hurricane season was over........
Playoff hopes in the trash
Soon sell to contenders with cash
Thanks to an evil ump
Who has a porno mustache
hahaa
The base paths belonged to me, the runner. The rules gave me the right. I always went into a bag full speed, feet first. I had sharp spikes on my shoes. If the baseman stood where he had no business to be and got hurt, that was his fault. -Ty Cobb
Great Job. This describes my feelings:
I try to reserve my hope for this team
I feel that a ring is only dream
I believe in our staff with studs like Tommy
But our lack of power is far beyond me
I catch my self trusting our 10 Run Routs
Until we face Wakefield and we get shut out
I’m fine with 09 not being our year
But stop with the let downs, I ran out of beer
SubParr
There once was a team from Atlanta
Got Javy and D-Lowe from Santa
But it all went down in flames
Couldn’t win enough games
So Bobby drinks Jack with Mylanta.
"...Braves tie! ...Braves tie! ...Braves tie!"
by The Keith Lockhart Era on Aug 6, 2009 1:00 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Nice one!
On a side note, my father used to have a golfing buddy who drank so much he had ulcers. Rather than quit the booze, his drink of choice became bourbon and maalox. No kidding.
"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."
Not quite as classy as Hennessy and Dimeatapp, I call it Purple Rain.
"...Braves tie! ...Braves tie! ...Braves tie!"
by The Keith Lockhart Era on Aug 14, 2009 7:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Blockbuster Deal
We gave away Nefalti Feliz
For a short Texiera tease
Now he throws 100
Has Johnny boy wondered
Can we undo this trade pretty please
by BravesfaninMontana on Aug 12, 2009 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
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