A Tom Glavine Poem by beeniez (Offensive)

by beeniez on Jun 6, 2009 10:27 PM EDT Comment 23 comments

Ode to the Glavster
Here's a little poem that I wrote just for you,
I thought it'd be classier than just saying "fuck you."
Everyone says you're so professional with class,
So hopefully this is up your alley, and also your ass.

You're intelligent, crafty, and incredibly boring,
Your fastball is so slow that it leaves me snoring.
Your spiked hair at such an old age has my mind wondering:
Which gay man's bunghole have you been plundering?

But this little poem isn't about all that,
It's about those two pitches that are now so flat.
I could probably run faster than your fastest fastball,
And also finish banging your hott wife in a late night booty call.

Perhaps that was harsh and I should leave out your wife,
But just shut up the eff up already about your latest strife.
Maybe you and Smoltzie can cry in each other's arms,
While nuzzling your head in his grizzly beard of charms.

Maybe this poem was a little unfair and a bit negate,
But who are you to complain, when your pitches are called six inches off the plate.
Just shut up and be happy that you lived millions of people's dreams,
Be in awe of the other Tommy, and forget these "financially driven" schemes.

2 recs | Comment 23 comments

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Comments

hahahaha

I hope this doesn’t get deleted …

Reporter: How will you address all of the dropped passes?

Mike Smith: I don’t think that we were as sharp as we have been catching the football. It’s something that is very fixable. It’s VERY fixable.

by FrankyWren on Jun 6, 2009 10:33 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT HE’S DONE FOR THIS FRANCHISE!?!??! YOU YOUNG PUNKS ARE ALL THE SAME

"If on-base percentage is so important, then why don't they put it up on the scoreboard?"
President, CEO, and chairman of the Brandon Jones fan club. PLEASE COME BACK! PLEASE COME BACK! PLEASE COME BACK!

by bigjoe on Jun 6, 2009 10:35 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

GET OFF OF MY LAWN!

Presenting Great Moments in bigjoe's posting history!!!
"Thanks for mentioning my penis, he appreciates it"-5/23/09
"I’m drunk and gay."-5/23/09
"I am a boring dork."-6/3/09

by Rhyno18 on Jun 6, 2009 10:43 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

lol

by Smoltz's Beard on Jun 6, 2009 10:45 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

The all caps, they give me a headache.

Thought the poem was a bit crude.
But Glavine is the one being so shrewd
The sh*t about his wife was a bit low.
But Glavine’s arm isn’t good enough for the show

by Sparhawk on Jun 6, 2009 10:47 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

While nuzzling your head in his grizzly beard of charms

haha…

by Smoltz's Beard on Jun 6, 2009 10:45 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Sad.

Oh, Bobby.

by sdp on Jun 6, 2009 10:47 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

clap clap clap

by Zeus12888 on Jun 7, 2009 12:38 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Dig it

by homerun on Jun 7, 2009 1:00 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Now this is funny! Unlike that tommy hanson fake article people were crying over

"Jason Heyward might be the best offensive prospect i've seen in fifteen years. His game is solid. I would trade any of the current players we have on our 25 man roster for Heyward. He's that good." - NL Scout.

by mvhsbball on Jun 7, 2009 1:37 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Meh

this didn’t even crack a smile on my face…the tommy hanson thing though, made me laugh.

"Actually, Justin was right."
by bigjoe on May 15, 2009 9:04 AM PDT

by justincredubil02 on Jun 7, 2009 10:57 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Mine rhymed.

"Loyal? I'm the most loyal player money can buy." - Don Sutton

by beeniez on Jun 7, 2009 1:26 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

this explains a lot about you then.

by yondaime4 on Jun 7, 2009 12:28 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Hahahahahahaha fuuuuuuckkkkk yooooouuuu tommmm glavinnnne was greaaatttt for the franchisssseee soooo……………………….fuckkkkk YOOOOOUUUUU

by BradyS on Jun 7, 2009 4:42 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Sorry……(Offensive)

by BradyS on Jun 7, 2009 4:43 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I'm not going to say this is offensive...

…because you’ve already admitted that, and offensive is a very relative term. I will say that it’s in extremely poor taste, crude, disgusting, and inappropriate, and leave it at that.

by sddbaker on Jun 7, 2009 7:56 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs