The John Smoltz Rant
Okay, so emotions have subsided after a few days and I can finally think clearly: fuck you John Smoltz. I'll start off by saying that I love John Smoltz the pitcher but I can't stand John Smoltz the person. If I hear "He's just really good at everything - he's even good at ping pong," one more goddamn time, I'm going to eat my fucking left hand zombie-style.
"But they didn't give me the respect I deserve," cried Smoltz. So respect and money go hand-in-hand now, do they? "If they were going to gamble millions on anyone, why not Smoltzie?" Okay, let's take a timeout for a second, Smoltzie is a pretty gay nickname. Time in. The Braves gambled precisely $14 million dollars on Smoltz last year and got exactly five starts and a relief appearance - or $500,000 per inning. The hell do you call that then, Smoltzie-poo? What about loyalty to your team after a fuck-knuckle year like that?
Oh, you want more respect! Okay, what about if we let you invent your own unmonitored Spring Training routine? Fuck that, you say? More? Okay, well, I'm going to have to go in the back and talk to the manager on this one... alright, now, we've never done this before but he said we can do it given the special circumstances. We'll let you decide to pitch in whatever role you want whenever you want. Haven't started in years? Psh, here's the opening nod. Spent the last two months on the DL working on a new windup and have no idea how good you're going to be? Closer? Done. Now as a fan, those things are done for a player out of respect - not giving away millions of dollars to hamper a team even further when it's in win-now mode because ‘Smoltz' is written on the back of your jersey. And because Wren has a budget to work with, you decide to be a douche-nozzle and fuck away any respect you have for fans? Makes complete sense!
You know, all these years he's been trying to get out from behind the shadow of Maddux and Glavine. Well, Smoltzie-poo, you were well on your way of doing that by staying with Atlanta. Then you decided to fuck things up by following their footsteps. I hope Tom Glavine retires and you blow out your arm, so you're forced to be inducted into the Hall of Fame with Glavine and Maddux at the sametime. Then at the ceremony, Glavine and Maddux will give two tear jerking speeches in succession and just as you're walking up to the podium to give your predictable 2-hour speech and an open challenge to the crowd to a Texas Ping Pong Deathmatch, the MC announces to the crowd that that's all the time we have and you continue to live in their shadow for eternity.
You're a sellout, Smoltz, anyway you put it. There's a counter to every point you make about the Braves. The large discrepancies between the two offers? I know you're a dumbass but a 2.3% salary difference really isn't that big of deal when you're talking about $130 million goddamn dollars. Wren being cheap? That doesn't make any sense after he's acquired an $11.5 million/year pitcher, signed a backup catcher to a $3 million dollar deal, made an $80 million dollar offer to another pitcher, and looking to spend ~$40 million on Lowe just this off-season. Just wanted to win another ring? Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but you just signed to the toughest division in baseball - it's definitely not a sure thing with the Rays and Yankees cumming coming up the rear.
So why didn't you get your precious $3 million dollars? Because they thought you had more class, that you might provide a discount of guaranteed money after the surgery and previous year, and they even had confidence in you by giving you large incentives based soley on staying healthy - no matter how good or bad you pitched. Apparently you don't have confidence in yourself, Smoltzie, so fuck you and your family.
Jerry's final thought: Players need to get a grip on reality and realize that it's not the GMs' money. He's just a guy with a budget - he only has loyalty when there is a budget for it. Wren wanted Smoltz back, everyone in the front office did. The Padres didn't even meet with Hoffman - *that* is lack of respect for an aging star. Smoltz bolted when fans needed him most. Never mind any respect and loyalty that Wren should have for Smoltz, Smoltz's respect and loyalty to fans should have been much higher and even a true "large discrepancy" shouldn't have got in the way. Just as the auto-industry's CEO's had a hard time convincing congress to give them bail out money as they traveled to Washington on a private plane, you're going to have a hard time convincing me that you deserve more money after $130 million career earnings in an economy like this.
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16 comments
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Ha, i had forgotten about the private Spring training routine!
Smoltz always was very vocal publicly, especially in the later years, when he had a contract situation coming up, and the Braves always came through for him without causing a big fuss. I think he saw a better chance to win, and jumped on it. The difference in offers conveniently blinded a large portion of the fan base into jumping on Wren, but i think as time passes they will see the bigger picture. Getting Lowe and fielding a good team would go a long way.
FIRE FRANK WREN! GO RED SOX! I HATE THE BRAVES! SAY GOODBYE TO MY 9 GAME FLEX PLAN MONEY! YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!
by 10-4 on Jan 12, 2009 3:22 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I have a feeling
that his customized Spring Training workout was a product of the shoulder injury, and that he was saving what he had for the season. IIRC, he didn’t pitch much at all in March.
by hoboken_wood on Jan 12, 2009 4:02 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs
clap... Clap... CLAP...
That was awesome! I’m not 100% with you, but damn close to it. Thanks.
by ejruiz on Jan 12, 2009 3:24 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I would have worded this a little differently
but I cannot disagree with the main points at all! Smoltz was a sell-out and chased the money. Hopefully (and I would NEVER wish injury on anyone), he wont be able to start until July or August and only pitches a few meaningless games and hangs it up.
"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts." - Sir Winston Churchill -
by justincredubil02 on Jan 12, 2009 3:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Not bad
I’m sure you’re going to ruffle the feathers of the long-time die-hards, but what you’re saying isn’t 100% right or wrong, either. The bottom line is when the smoke eventually clears, the one who comes out of this looking worse, is unfortunately, John Smoltz.
No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.
by royhobbs on Jan 12, 2009 3:34 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Congrats
You’ve done well. And you deserve some respect for that.
by mburris1 on Jan 12, 2009 4:06 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
John Smoltz said to the Braves
It’s more important to pay me a few more million dollars than to spend the money on things which will actually help the Braves. This wasn’t Frank Wren giving John the finger, its the other way around.
by someguy917 on Jan 12, 2009 4:13 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
bahahahaha that was great.
also, FUCK MICHIGAN STATE.
BIG JOE SUCK ONE
by bigjoe on Jan 12, 2009 4:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.
by Smoltz's Beard on Jan 12, 2009 5:55 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Sweet, everyday we get more coming over to the dark side.
Nice post.
by Bobby Cocks on Jan 12, 2009 6:21 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
I can’t wait to see him face-off against Chipper, hope his spot in the rotation coincides with the schedule.
by Land-Man on Jan 12, 2009 7:24 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Finally...
So I’m not the only person who blames this mess totally on Smoltz. Good on you!
by KC Ryan on Jan 13, 2009 1:38 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Press conference Tuesday at 10.
Anyone watching?
FIRE FRANK WREN! GO RED SOX! I HATE THE BRAVES! SAY GOODBYE TO MY 9 GAME FLEX PLAN MONEY! YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN!
by 10-4 on Jan 13, 2009 8:40 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
God must have wanted Smoltz to sell out
I saw part of that press conference, and Smoltz claimed that the unique thing about him is that he wants to win. He doesn’t care about anything else. I call shenanigans on that. I also think that’s one of the most asshole-ish statements I’ve ever heard. Ok, so it’s Smoltz and he has that holier-than-thou attitude, but seriously. That’s what makes you unique, huh? No other professional athletes want to win? I agree that I’ll miss the Smoltz pitcher of the past, but I will not miss listening to him. Plus, I really have nothing against Gods of any type, but what kind of God tells a guy that he should go back on his promise of staying home and coaching his daughter’s basketball team if he had to have surgery again and instead tell him to move to Boston, thus scorning his blood family and baseball family? I think I have to call shenanigans again. Somebody get the brooms.
by RosieSparkle on Jan 13, 2009 5:40 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

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