Oh, how tempted I was to entitle this "Seeking Jamie Kotsay," but after I came home from the event and in late hours, I started seeking out other pictures of another player's wife, I found this - So, had I seen this little junket prior to Saturday, I could've saved myself the false hope at finding the elusive Mrs. Kotsay - it's what I get for actually not scouring mlb.com more thoroughly.

So instead, Saturday turned out to be "Seeking Braves Wives," despite the fact that many of them had been spotted via other blogs (credit to Lauren, Velcro), mostly authored by women to show the effeminate side of baseball players, but where lots of male viewers go to find the effeminate side of baseball players.  Pictures can only do so much justice, and I am curious to see what they look like in person.  And I won't lie, after finding out about this event, I wanted nothing more than to seek out Jamie Kotsay, who as we found out, wasn't going to be there in the first place.  Gee, I wonder why?

So I get to the park early enough, and upon entering the gates, I see the first glimpses of the promotion - people holding up signs saying "Brown Bag Bonanza, $40."  But then a look of confusion on my face as I realize that there are dudes holding up these signs, and carrying sacks full of brown bags.  Now who people marry is none of my business, and I am all for letting those who wish to do what they want to do to do them, without questioning of any particular orientation, but I thought this was supposed to be a Braves Wives thing.  It was very obvious that upon walking around, it was more like Braves Wives being Represented by a bunch of Dudes and clearly under-aged girls thing.

I even walked around the entire park, to see if I could run into any surprisingly attractive women carrying the same sign and promoting the same thing, but much to my dismay, I did not.  I did however find a laughable moment, when I walked past the Chic-Fil-A on the lower level, and see an attractive girl wearing of all things a shirt, that had "NORTON 20" on the back of it.

Back at the plaza, I noticed a woman rush past me, wearing a pink Braves jersey, and touting a boulder on her left ring finger.  2 + 2 says that she was a Braves Wife.  And within five minutes, she was up on the "stage" part of the Plaza with that redneck radio personality named "Slam," with another cute girl wearing a hat, and carrying a sack full of brown bags.  It turns out, it was Mrs. Huddy, Kim.

I remember when Velcro did her wives "Power Rankings," last season, she had Kim Hudson as the top of the food chain there, and it's clear here that she still retains that Alpha Female status over the wives, since no others showed up.  I would've imagined that Jamie Kotsay and her would either be friends, or have some sort of power-struggle that stemmed from their husband's brief overlapped tenures in Oakland together.

Oh well, but the question was, who was the adorable girl next to Mrs. Huddy?  From a distance, I thought she was really young or something, but looking at the above picture, she clearly has a massive band around her ring finger as well - a new wife, perhaps?

For the record, I love uber-petite short-haired girls that rock the hats well, so this one certainly caught my interest.  I hate to sound mean, but at first, I almost thought it was like a Huddy daughter or something, she was that small.  But during the public address, she was revealed to be Allyson, the wife of our own once-trade-bait, now-rumored-to-be-resigned, does-a-great-Harry-Caray-impression-invented-the-term-Odarp, left-hand relief pitcher, Will Ohman.  This was more obvious when she turned around, and I saw that on her shirt was printed "OHMAN 13" . . .

. . . much in the same style that I saw the Norton girl.  And it was at that moment that I saw Mrs. Huddy and Mrs. Ohman reunite with a group of attractive women.  And then I saw NORTON 20 again.  I also saw BOYER 56.  And a couple of other really good looking women.  Braves Wives jackpot.

So I'll cut to the chase:
Mrs. Gnortony - hot, looks about half Gnortony's age
Mrs. Boyer - hot, clearly Southern
The two of them walked off together, flanked by a third, what I suspect was a Braves Wife, who was also attractive, Latin, but was not wearing any distinguishing gear.

Mrs. Imhotep, Mrs. Rev, Mrs. Sammons, Mrs. Bennett, Mrs. Snitker, and Mrs. Nunez were also supposedly present, but I didn't see, nor were obvious.  There was the unknown looker with Mrs. Gnortony and Boyer who was young, but wives of pro-athletes can be anywhere from similar age to a third.  I also saw an older Latin woman wearing a flowing blue sun dress selling bags as well; my guess is that she might've been Mrs. Rev.

Anyway, that pretty much sums up the Wives Adventure.  I took a few more pictures for my own amusement, that I suppose I'll share:

I have a fascination with obscure, failure, flop jerseys.  I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one out there, because there is an entire website dedicated to glorifying the same content, that I've submit content to as well.  This Mets Kazuo Matsui jersey is also on its way over there as well.

Mike Hampton also had a good night that night - when I took this picture, I was thinking about how Mike Hampton, the pitcher, in like four starts out-produced Corky Miller who had significantly more time.

Oh yeah, the mystery brown bag baseball. . .

I did indeed purchase one, but I made sure to buy it from one of the wives.  I shunned two dudes and a teenage girl, and walked around until I ran into Mrs. Huddy and Ohman.  They were both nice and sweet to speak with, and I had no problem giving them my money.

I was hoping that I would get Brian McCann, but was expecting like, Julian Tavarez.

Well, at least it wasn't Julian Tavarez.  I jokingly thought about how great this ball would be once/if Frenchy straightens out his game, and turns back into something the caliber of 2007 Francoeur.  And then Jeff Francoeur has to go and shut everyone up by going 4/5 with two RBIs.

A nice night, overall.  The rout got to the point where it was becoming inconveniently long.  And then I remembered what I said at some time, that I'd rather be inconvenienced by a game where the Braves are smearing the opposition than the former.  The season may be a bust, but there's just something enjoyable about a night at the park that will be missed once the season is over, no matter what the record shows.