Mike Hampton's glorious return: White horse and shining armor not expected.

by mburris1 on Jul 24, 2008 10:16 AM EDT Comment 38 comments

Michael Hampton seems to be on the path to starting a game on Saturday. Oh Boy!!!!!111one!

Says he will be replacing JoJo if Bobby decides to go with the man made of glass.

Hopefully Reyes will go down to AAA and learn to keep the ball down.

That being said, the real question is:
How does Mike Hampton get hurt this time?

I vote he trips coming out of the bullpen and lands on a baseball and cracks his sternum. Sound rediculous? With Mike Hampton, nothing is too crazy.

Thoughts?

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He’ll eat a greasy cheesesteak, suffer from hyperactive diarrhea, and need to be put on the 14-day DL until something else arises. Either that, or he’ll be recognized on SEPTA and get stabbed to death, and be buried in a pile of snow sand that the city of Philadelphia neglects to clean every year.

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 10:27 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

ah yes the seldom known 14 day DL… im sorry im kinda an ass and no one else pointed it out

"We win today, that's two in a row... if we win tomorrow, that's called a winning streak. It has happened before..."

by Swo12bv on Jul 25, 2008 7:27 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I’d say the chances of him starting are just as good as the chances of him getting sucked into a black hole.

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 10:40 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Last time

I think I predicted a meteor would come crashing down and land on Hampton just before his first pitch. I realize now that that is too far-fetched.

So this time, I’m going with a satellite.

by WienerDog on Jul 24, 2008 10:53 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I hope

All this pessimism leads to a miraculous 3-hit shutout complete game against Cole Hamels on Saturday.

/engage laughter from others

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 10:55 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

I'm sure he'll encounter a burning orphanage

and rush in to save the children,

and then he’ll trip on a rug when he gets in there, twisting his ankle.

by mcboyt on Jul 24, 2008 11:07 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 11:17 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Hahaha, damn you. That scene was the first thing that popped into my head.

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 11:37 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

The only difference was that Mr. Vindicated was more successful with getting things out of a fire. They should’ve used a closer for that role, to play the metaphor of a “fireman.”

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 11:43 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Ya know...

Despite all that’s been said, I still imagine him coming back and helping us to the playoffs.

I know. I’m weak.

by soup du jour on Jul 24, 2008 11:31 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Key word:

Imagine.

by mburris1 on Jul 24, 2008 11:38 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

A lot of us felt the same way in the offseason. And then he hurt himself in Mexico.

A lot of us felt optimistic, when he was on the opening day roster. And then he hurt himself after being announced as the starting pitcher against the Pirates – I was at that game, too, shocked/not-shocked when Jeff Bennett came out of the bullpen instead.

A lot of us were in his defense, but then he had to go and mess up his pectoral or hamstring, or groin, or oblique or whatever, it’s all blurred at this point.

So now, a lot of us don’t bother factoring him into the season’s equation any further. But any starts, innings or positive production he miraculously makes, is definitely considered a bonus, and would be definitely welcome. So until then, if it ever happens – who’re we talking about again?

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 11:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I hate Hampton

Anyone else realize that picking him up was the start of the downfall of our glorious organization? I hope he throws one pitch and gets a liner off his kisser. Then he’ll know how the orgnaization and fans have felt for the last 4 damn years. I will put something out there for you… Last time Mike Hampton started a major league game I was in high school…. I graduate with my Bachelors of Science from the University of Alabama in December… pretty sad isn’t it…
But No I’m not bitter or anything
Sorry for the obscene rant

by morri029 on Jul 24, 2008 11:55 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Obscene? Not even close…

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 12:19 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

It is sad...

...that you went to the University of Alabama.

"Have you ever had your heart broken?"
"Yeah, when we lost the pennant in '87."

by jug on Jul 24, 2008 12:28 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oh Come on Now

I didn’t take a shot at your Wildcats (mainly because our football team is in about the same boat as your basketball team right now, legends dwindling in mediocrity)... But at least your not a Barner like Huddy ;)

by morri029 on Jul 24, 2008 12:38 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Your the man

by jjcollins on Jul 24, 2008 12:45 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

You can’t really fault him for needing 2 elbow surgeries and being out 3 years. Hell Smoltz has had 3 elbow surgeries. Only from the Mexican league start has it become somewhat comical, but i still feel for the guy. He’s obviously made enough money to walk away, but is still trying. Its not like he’s the only Brave who’s been injured this year. I believe a certain #10 injured his hamstring for the 18th time this season last night.

by 10-4 on Jul 24, 2008 12:07 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

That same # 10....

is the only reason were ahead of the Nats at this point too

by clemsonfan on Jul 24, 2008 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

not my point

i’m just saying hampton is not the only person to be injured this year. His is just magnified because they keep happening right before he’s to come back, making it very humorous. i guess i sympathize because i’ve felt like Mr. Glass myself. Back in college i broke my arm snowboarding, went through the healing process, got cleared by the doc, and 2 days later went got on a bike and wrecked and broke the same arm, making it a total of 3 breaks (also broke it in 9th grade rollerbalding. i’ve also fallen off a moving truck and broken a collarbone and cracked my skull, but thats besides the point). Actually the skull injury may explain my defending hampton.

by 10-4 on Jul 24, 2008 12:51 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Sounds like you should maybe sit still and watch some TV or something?

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 12:52 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

yes, i have retired from extreme sports. And helping people move.

by 10-4 on Jul 24, 2008 12:53 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

“And helping people move”...actually laughed out loud right there.

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 12:56 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Since 2006
Jones: 333 games
Hampton: 0 games

PS…check this out.

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 12:23 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

What a freakin' game!

And only Chipper and Hampton are still on the roster today. It is pretty funny, that Perez is now a coach and Jordan is an Braves Live anchor.

Also, other than Furcal and Chipper, everyone still playing sucks (except Langerhans when he plays against us).

"Have you ever had your heart broken?"
"Yeah, when we lost the pennant in '87."

by jug on Jul 24, 2008 12:36 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Re: PS

I was at that game. I was with a friend who was a tad large, and couldn’t handle the heat, so we had to bolt early, but the Braves were already up 11-0 at that point, and it was one of those games where the Braves were so good, it was an inconvenience, due to the fact that the game wouldn’t end.

I would give a kidney to go to one of those games this year, but unfortunately the Nationals don’t have Mike Bacsik anymore.

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 12:36 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Reminds me of that prick in the Bowflex commercial. “i gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends.” I bet he doesn’t have any fat friends anymore if they saw that commercial. Kick his ass seabass!

by 10-4 on Jul 24, 2008 12:55 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

LOL!

That guy is the biggest tool on the face of the planet!! I don’t know a single person, male, female, young, old, white, black, asian, hispanic, that doesn’t want to kick his ass after that line in the commercial!

Naw, my friend is like 6’2 and about 380 lbs. He really was getting bothered by the heat, and he was from out of town. So I took him to the Brewhouse in L5P where he sufficiently rehydrated on Red Stripe while we watched the rest of the game HOOOORAY BEER!

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 12:58 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Even more LOL

Google image search: Keywords: “bowflex douchebag”

BAM, first result.

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I typed it into Yahoo’s search engine and came back with a great website I forgot about…Hot Chicks with Douchebags.

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 2:09 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

They have a book, you know

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 2:26 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

I do now.

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 3:35 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Wow

Last time Mike pitched a decent game…. Eddie Perez was our starting catcher

by morri029 on Jul 24, 2008 12:36 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Ryan Langerhans had 2 HR and 6 RBI, WTF… pardon my letters but why did he go to hell (or the Nationals), besides his sub 200 avg

"We win today, that's two in a row... if we win tomorrow, that's called a winning streak. It has happened before..."

by Swo12bv on Jul 25, 2008 7:32 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Who is Mike Hampton?

"Have you ever had your heart broken?"
"Yeah, when we lost the pennant in '87."

by jug on Jul 24, 2008 12:29 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

If he starts

Have Carlye warming up in the firast inning.

by TradeAndruw on Jul 24, 2008 12:34 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Caryle is pitching like shit lately:

First 29.2 IP this season – 5 ER
Last 2 IP this season – 10 ER

I guess I should be one to talk.
There's nights that I can't even walk.
There's days I couldn't give a fuck.
And in between is where I'm stuck.

by Smoltz's Beard on Jul 24, 2008 12:56 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

He had that stretch of sympathy innings where he was mopping up someone else’s screw ups, or like during the 17 inning Astros fiasco, and that warmed a lot of people’s hearts. But damn did those last two innings suck some major goat balls.

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Jul 24, 2008 1:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs