With regard to the negotiations between the Atlanta Braves and Rafael Furcal, the essential facts are clear and cannot be disputed.

I guess that's why we've heard a million different reports... They all have the same conclusion though: You're batshit crazy and a money-grubbing dumbass.

1. There was never an agreement reached between Rafael Furcal and the Atlanta Braves.

So what the fuck were you going to do with that term sheet? Fold it up to see who you're going to marry when you're older? Are you that much of a dumbass that you can't remember the terms of the deal? Three years, $30 million, vesting option for the fourth year with 130 games played. There, I did it for you and I didn't need a term sheet, you dumbshit.

2. In fact, the Braves were fully aware that Furcal was not prepared to make a decision but had requested an opportunity to sleep on it, before deciding.

If the Braves were fully aware, why did they go ape-shit over your agency's unethical tactics? You said he "requested an opportunity to sleep on it," before deciding. I believe it was your partner, Paul "The Human Douchebag" Kinzer, that *told him* to sleep on it - Furcal was prepared to sign but you knew the Dodgers might top that offer.

3. Moreover, the Baseball rules which all agents and teams operate under are clear that no deal exists between a player and a team unless and until: (i) there is a signed and executed player agreement or; (ii) the Player's Union and the Commissioner's office have otherwise confirmed the deal. Neither occurred here.

No one is disputing this so I don't know why you brought it up. You did it legally, good-for-fucking you. Your partner still verbally agreed to the deal and it doesn't disprove that you're still a money-grubbing douchebag that used unethical means to get more money.

4. Furcal ultimately decided to accept the Dodgers' offer,

a.k.a. the Braves' offer v2.0,

taking into consideration a number of factors the most important of which was his desire to continue playing short-stop and not make the position change to second base that the Braves were requiring.

Okay, first off, Furcal said he wouldn't mind moving to second base to the Braves. Wren mentions it several times in numerous sources. He's played the position numerous times in winter leagues. Second, it wasn't 100% that he would be playing second base. Everyone in the whole goddamm world knew someone was going to get traded and Furcal likely would end up playing shortstop. Third, Furcal needs to stop being a puss, take his panties off, realize that Escobar is a better shortstop defensively, and be a team player.

5. Losing out on an all-star player like Furcal is always disappointing, and we understand the Braves' frustration with the outcome of this negotiation, but it does not change in any way the fact that we conducted ourselves with integrity and complied with all rules of major league baseball throughout this process.

I seriously giggled when you typed "integrity."

6. Our primary obligation is to serve our clients best interests, and we will continue to do so in accordance with all relevant rules governing MLB negotiations and the utmost integrity.

"Our clients best interests," is also known as "The Dodgers might top this deal if I somehow get to talk to them again." And seriously, you are no longer allowed to use the word "integrity."

7. If it serves our clients we will continue to present opportunities to the Braves, which in accordance with the rules governing Major League Baseball, the Braves must entertain. We hope that once emotions have subsided, the Braves will act in a manner consistent with not only their obligations under the Collective Bargaining Agreement and The National Labor Relations Act, but also the best interests of the franchise. In short, we would not want this incident to color their better judgment.

Sure, they'll entertain offers. In fact, I hope it gets to the point where they fax over a term sheet with a picture of Wren's ass, which has a fresh tattoo of "Kinzer and Tellem like it here," with an arrow pointing at his bunghole, on the back. And you're right, the Braves emotions might subside tomorrow, but you'll be an unethical dumbass forever.