Elmer Dessens Files for Free Agency... Who'd a-thunk?

by gondeee on Nov 5, 2008 4:28 PM EST in News Comment 30 comments

Holy crap, I had totally forgotten that our season had sunk so low that we had signed Elmer f-ing Dessens back in late August. Well, he's headed back to free agency, after filing yesterday. I saw this story on braves.com and said to myself, "why are they putting other teams' news on our site," then I remembered that we had acutally allowed a roster spot to be occupied by this hapless arm for part of the year.

To try and cope, I made a list (it didn't help). Here is the 2008 you'll-never-remember-they-were-Braves-nor-will-you-want-to-remember top-10 list:

Elmer Dessens, RHP - A 22.50 ERA that wasn't even the worst on the team.
Matt DeSalvo, RHP - His 31.50 ERA was the worst on the team.
Jason Perry, OF - And we thought it couldn't get any worse than Jeff Francoeur in right field.
Julian Tavarez, RHP - I just don't... I just think... He just doesn't... something in me just says I shouldn't like him.
Chris Resop, RHP - Remember when we all thought it was cool because he was a hard-thrower?
Ruben Gotay, IF - I still cannot believe we wasted a roster spot on this guy for the entire season.
Royce Ring, LHP - More like Royce Reek.
Chuck James, LHP - No, seriously, he gave up one homerun ever three innings pitched.
Vladimir Nunez, RHP - He wasn't really that bad, but I don't think anyone really cares.
Corky Miller, C - Weight = 220 lbs... batting average = .083... I'm assuming the 220 is generous, so that means he didn't hit his weight, he hit a third of his weight.

I was acutally amazed (then extrememly saddened) that I made it to ten. Then I got a crazy thought and did this list, the you'll-never-remember-that-we-thought-they-could-help-but-they-never-made-it-to-the-majors top-10 list:

Scott Spiezio, IF - He liked the bottle a bit too much.
Jason Phillips, C - The begoggled one.
Joe Borchard, OF - Remember when we wanted him to make the team out of spring training?
Sal Fasano, C - The mustached one.
Damian Moss, LHP - Aussi, Aussi, Aussi... Suck, Suck, Suck
Brian Lawrence, RHP - His ERA was almost twice what Chuck James' was.
Scott Williamson, RHP - It's kind-a sad how far he's fallen.
Andy Shiblio, RHP - Who the f.
Matt DeSalvo, RHP - Worth listing again.
Scott Thorman, 1B - Does anyone else miss Thor?

Again, I couldn't believe I made it to ten.

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I'm proud to say..

…I was the one of the only voices that was anti-Borchard from the get go.

Rain Delay - Two Teams, Two Coasts - One Obsession

You can also check out my stuff at Baseball Digest Daily

by RainDelay on Nov 5, 2008 4:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

There were times

When Francoeur was stinking up the lineup, that I wouldn’t minded to have seen Borchard . . . admittedly.

I don’t miss Thorman the player, but I kind of miss the concept of Thorman. He stuck around just long enough to get a bad-ass video package when he came up to plate of a bunch of Thor comic book panels. And I also have a good drunken memory of laughing with my friends up in D.C. while at a game, being able to correctly predict Thorman’s pitch sequence before he struck out. (Swinging strike, looking strike, ball, swinging strikeout)

No wonder nobody likes you, Tuttle... everything's a (Pujols) damn debate.

by royhobbs on Nov 5, 2008 4:47 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

This is interesting, but there are a few points I feel must be made (in no particular order):
1. Jason Perry had a great year between AAA and AA and he only got a handful of at bats. Who knows what he could have done with more. Not saying he could have been the answer, in fact I’d definitively say he wasn’t and wouldn’t be, but who knows what he could have done.
2. Julian Tavarez – I thought he was washed up, but he pitched great for the Braves and I’d love to see him come back.
3. Ruben Gotay actually had a pretty effective season off the bench. I believe he was third in the league in pinch hits. He has no power to speak of, but I’d love to see him come back and compete for a job in spring training.
4. Royce Ring was highly effective as a lefty specialist and only stunk once he was misused due to all the injuries.
5. Vladimir Nunez was great in both AAA and the majors and he should definitely be given a chance to compete for a job next season.
6. Jason Phillips had laser eye surgery and doesn’t wear glasses anymore. And he looks really weird without glasses.
7. Joe Borchard was hurt for the season in May and didn’t really have a chance to show what he might be able to do. Hopefully he is brought back for spring training next year and gets some time at AAA to show what he can do when healthy.

Aside from that, yeah dead on. Corky Miller’s a bum, the only thing going for Andy Shibilo is that he’s 6’7", Sal Fasano is the man but he can’t hit, DeSalvo is a creeper, and hopefully we’ll never see Damian Moss or Scott Thorman in Braves uniforms again.

by cbwilk on Nov 5, 2008 4:49 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

rec'd

Very funny post, thanks.

by jc25 on Nov 5, 2008 4:55 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

i’m still on the joe borchard bandwagon for what its worth. if he was healthy, he could have hit better than diaz.

and also, chuck james? MORE LIKE CHUCK GAY-MES, AMIRITE!??!?!?

Following the Braves...one long hard drink at a time.

by bigjoe on Nov 5, 2008 4:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Yeah!!

And how about Ruben GoGAY, GAYmian Moss, and GAYce Ring? jjcollins needs to get in on this!

by buzzdeadwax on Nov 5, 2008 5:44 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

haha

because it’s funny to use gay in the pejorative.

grow up

by son.of.sourman on Nov 5, 2008 6:20 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

You may recall...

…that jjcollins’ favorite saying is “Tyler Gaytes”. I’m assuming that’s what bigjoe is referring to. I’m not trying to disrespect gay people, I’m trying to disrespect jjcollins (or at least his really bad gay jokes).

by buzzdeadwax on Nov 5, 2008 6:46 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

what are you talking about? i am totally, 100% serious here, and not mocking anyone at all.

Following the Braves...one long hard drink at a time.

by bigjoe on Nov 5, 2008 8:54 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Do you think we could get Dessens back, say, 2-3 years, maybe a $3 mil base salary and incentives? He’d be a nice #3 starter, likely a 12-13 game winner?

Anyone? Anyone?

{looks around at angry mob}

{runs}

by matches on Nov 5, 2008 5:09 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Yeah

I’ll never understand why we wasted roster spots all season on Corky Miller and Ruben Gotay. Miller was solid defensively, but couldn’t do a thing at the plate. I don’t see how we could have been worse on the bench by having Sammons up all year instead. Gotay was the same. Solid defensively, but nothing to speak of at the plate.

by AuditDawg on Nov 5, 2008 5:12 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

it was already mentioned that Gotay was 3rd in the league in Pinch hits… thats pretty good in my estimation. if he didnt cost us that much i wouldnt be opposed to having him, back. Although i agree Sammons can seemingly provide the same thign Corky can, and Sammons has a lil more upside offensively, so

"We win today, that's two in a row... if we win tomorrow, that's called a winning streak. It has happened before..."

by Swo12bv on Nov 5, 2008 5:40 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I’m assuming Dessens is a Type ‘A’?

by TradeAndruw on Nov 5, 2008 5:41 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

no

but I believe Thor is on name alone.

White Youth, Black Youth
Better find another solution
Why not phone up Robin Hood
and ask for some wealth distribution?

.............................................................

All over people changing their votes
Along with their overcoats
If Adolf Hitler flew in today
They'd send a limousine anyway

..............................................................

if obama=change, then change=socialism
congratulations america
who are you to blame now

by BlueVol03 on Nov 5, 2008 5:44 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Politics here? Why?

by buzzdeadwax on Nov 5, 2008 5:46 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

it's only

a sig. For the most part it’s lyrics. The ending was a quote. I’m not here to just talk politics and have no desire to do so. However, if I want to add something to my sig, there’s nothing wrong with that.

White Youth, Black Youth
Better find another solution
Why not phone up Robin Hood
and ask for some wealth distribution?

.............................................................

All over people changing their votes
Along with their overcoats
If Adolf Hitler flew in today
They'd send a limousine anyway

..............................................................

if obama=change, then change=socialism
congratulations america
who are you to blame now

by BlueVol03 on Nov 5, 2008 5:53 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Hey man, you need to take that stuff off your signature. This is a baseball blog, no political talk. In my election day poll yesterday I was careful not to mention anyone by name, show favoritism, or allow comments on that post. I generally appreciate your contributions, especially on the prospect front, but no politics allowed here.

by gondeee on Nov 5, 2008 6:06 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Also

your sig shouldn’t be 4 times longer than your posts.

by TradeAndruw on Nov 5, 2008 7:04 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Election Day Poll

The first thing I thought when I saw that was “I wonder how many people won’t get it?”

My second thought was “it’s a damn good thing comments aren’t allowed.”

by VegasAces on Nov 7, 2008 9:22 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

i was waiting for someone to bring up Type A/B FA, has anyone seen the list, its complete B.S.

Eric Gagne is a type B FA… need I say more… he is so bad i actually invented a stat for him, finishing a game with a 7 run lead, where u only give up 3 or less runs, i call it the GS (Gagne Save, original i know)… there’s also a GH (gagne hold)

"We win today, that's two in a row... if we win tomorrow, that's called a winning streak. It has happened before..."

by Swo12bv on Nov 5, 2008 8:18 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Sal Fasano

Lets remember not only was he in Richmond but we traded him to Cleveland. I have yet to hear what we received in return…..

by CabreraluvsBelinda on Nov 5, 2008 6:18 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I think we got a meatball sub.

by gondeee on Nov 5, 2008 6:48 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

No….I think he ate it….

by secondbass on Nov 5, 2008 7:55 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Andruw ate it while Fasano was curling his mustache.

by TradeAndruw on Nov 5, 2008 8:18 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

whoa whoa whoa… u say what u want about Sal, but u leave his glorious facial hair out of this… anyone cool enough to pull off the Fu-Man-Shu is good in my book.

"We win today, that's two in a row... if we win tomorrow, that's called a winning streak. It has happened before..."

by Swo12bv on Nov 5, 2008 8:19 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs