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Fun With Barry Bonds!

What do you want to bet ESPN somehow picks up ALL of our games in this series? FUN. Especially since I Tivo the late ones and therefore do not have the option of listening along with the radio instead . . . just kick their asses, boys.

~~

Last night, on the midnight flight to San Francisco . . .

Andruw: What a crappy series.
Willie: It wasn't all bad.
Chipper: Yeah, we did split it with them. And you homered in the opener.
Andruw: But Tony LaRussa yelled at me!!
Chipper: Well, Terry told him off for you, didn't he?
Andruw: Yeah, but then they hit Heap in retalliation! Out of all us they picked Heap, Chipper? The Cardinals are mean.
Chipper: Well, whatever. At least the Giants suck. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. Or today, I should say, ugh.

Heap: /asleep
Frenchy: /pokes his arm
Frenchy: Hey, wake up, we're here! Gaw, Heap, you're always sleeping!
Heap: /rubs eyes, puts on his glasses
Heap: Frenchy, I just took a six hour midnight flight, what the hell do you expect? Look around, everyone else is tired, too.
Frenchy: /glances around at players who are yawning and complaining about ESPN
Heap: Man, I can't wait to get in bed! I hope the drive to the hotel won't be long.
Frenchy: You didn't even play tonight! Maybe Saltalamacch has a point, ya old codger.
Heap: /punches him
Frenchy: Hey, ow!

The players walk off the plane and through the airport. There is some sort of commotion at the exit, where the team bus is waiting . . .

Bobby: What the hell's all this?
Reporter: Oh my God, here they come!! It's the Braves!
Salty: /steps forward, grinning
Salty: Sorry, fellas, what can I say! I can't go anywhere without getting my picture taken, what a nuisance! Better give the people what they want, though--
Reporter: /runs to Smoltz
Reporter: What's it like to know that tomorrow you will be pitching to THE Barry Bonds!!
Smoltz: Well, I've pitched to him before--
Reporter: Yes but not when he was about to BREAK THE HOME RUN RECORD!!
Smoltz: Right, I understand that--
Reporter: As a Brave, do you feel TOTALLY BETRAYED that Atlanta's most revered sports record is about to be broken?!
Smoltz: Well -- uh -- maybe you should talk to Huddy. He's pitching Tuesday, much more likely to have the record breaker hit off of him--
Reporter: /runs over to Huddy
Huddy: /gives Smoltz a dirty look
Smoltz: /smirks and runs for the bus
Reporter: TIM HUDSON HOW DOES IT FEEL--
Huddy: /holds up a hand
Huddy: I have prepared a statement.
Huddy: /pulls a piece of paper from his pocket
Huddy: /clears throat
Huddy: "No."
Reporters: /stare

Reporter: That's your statement?
Huddy: /nods
Huddy: /runs for the bus

Heap: /yawning
Reporter: Brian McCann!! What does it feel like to be taking part in this historic event??
Heap: /blinks
Heap: What?
Reporter: The home run record! Breaking!! Very possibly against YOUR TEAM!! You were just on the All-Star team with Bonds, HOW DOES THAT COMPLICATE THINGS?!
Reporter: /shoves microphone in his face
Heap: /looks around
Heap: Um. Is that a television camera?
Reporter: Yes! You're live on TV!!
Heap: /face goes red
Heap: Um, well, er
Frenchy: What he means to say that is he's very excited, but we still want to win! We don't want Bonds hitting any homers against us, nope! But we can still appreciate the gravity of this moment in history.
Reporter: /wipes tear
Reporter: That was beautiful! Are you the PR rep for the Braves?
Frenchy: I'm the rightfielder. But, yes. Please direct all questions to me.
Salty: /pops up behind Heap's shoulder, waving his arms toward the camera
Salty: OH MY GOD AM I ON TV???
Reporter: Er--yes.
Salty: HA!! SERIOUSLY?? HI MOM!! HI ASHLEY! CHECK IT OUT YOU GUYS I'M TOTALLY IN SAN FRANCISCO!! WHAT TIME IS IT THERE?? OK I'LL CALL YOU BYE!!

Reporter: /awkward silence
Heap and Frenchy: /run for the bus
Reporter: /turns to camera
Reporter: Ha! Well, as you can see, even the bat boys are excited!

~~

I hate that Buddy will probably pitch the last game of this series. I like him, and I don't want him to remembered as the guy who gave up 756 or what have you.

Thanks to Leah for the picture of Heap wearing his glasses. I'll treasure it always.

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So Heap where's contacts in the game?
http://blabberinbraves.blogspot.com/

by Chipper on Jul 23, 2007 10:11 AM EDT   0 recs

yep
He has had technical issues with them during games before -- eyedrops were once delivered to the on deck circle by Lowell.

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 23, 2007 10:19 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Funny stuff.
Actually, you should credit also Riki for the picture. She's the one in the picture and I saved it from her myspace. I don't want to take credit for it since it isn't mine. But I'm glad you like it, I figured you would. ;)

Hilarious as usual though. Gotta love Braves humor in the morning.

by mccannfan on Jul 23, 2007 10:22 AM EDT   0 recs

thanks to Riki, then
oh and thanks to you again for relaying the therapy comment, that totally made my morning. ;)

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 23, 2007 10:32 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

haha.
I thought you'd love it. It was an aw-worthy moment. I didn't know if anyone had told you or not. ;)

by mccannfan on Jul 23, 2007 1:29 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

I want
a story with Barry Bonds in it next with Andruw or Hank accusing him of steroids!
http://blabberinbraves.blogspot.com/

by Chipper on Jul 23, 2007 10:50 AM EDT   0 recs

V.V.
As always, you have outdone yourself.  

I am increasingly concerned that we will look back on this season and see that the only bright spot will have been your pieces in this blog.  

by Mike de La Hoz on Jul 23, 2007 1:14 PM EDT   0 recs

aww
I hope that's not true, but thanks!

I feel a little defeated right now, too, with the games it seems like we should have won at home, but God, I don't know. If the Cardinals can win 83 games and then the World Series without spectacular starting pitching, anything can happen. Not that I wouldn't prefer a World Series win after a good season . . .

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 23, 2007 5:41 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

The other bright spots
are Willie Harris and soon to be all time ejections manager Bobby Cox.
http://blabberinbraves.blogspot.com/

by Chipper on Jul 23, 2007 1:33 PM EDT   0 recs

Don't worry about Atlanta...
Keep in mind that after the Braves, the giants play the marlins.

the marlins have this guy, that apparently bonds loves to abuse like an adopted red-headed step-child.  i'm talking about the guy that gave up #715 to bulging barry, and someone who is notorious for giving up historic home runs, and that is byung-hyun kim.

since scott olsen is such a loose cannon and will probably look at some suspension time, there's a good chance the marlins rotation might be thrown off kilter, and leave poor kim to have to face bonds.  so even if the braves give up 754 and 755, there's a good possibility that kim will be who 756 will be on.

by royhobbs on Jul 23, 2007 4:20 PM EDT   0 recs

Awwww...
Baby in glasses!  I lurve him more now, if that's possible.  Think the contact issue is why he opens his eyes REALLY WIDE when he squares up to bat, or is he just getting a good eye on the pitcher like Coco Crisp?

by Lauren T. on Jul 23, 2007 9:23 PM EDT   0 recs

yep
I always suspected he wore contacts, because I wear contacts and I do the same thing when my eyes feel kind of dry. It sort of forces them to water a little bit.

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 9:40 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

haha
"even the bat boys are excited"
-haha. great.

and the glasses pic. def got a squeal-aww moment outta me.
[not that it really takes alot but ya know]

by IrishPrincess on Jul 23, 2007 10:17 PM EDT   0 recs

I know right
I would find some charm even in a picture of Heap blowing his nose, so glasses are like, fuhgettaboutit.

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 9:46 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

def.
all they have to do is show heap in the dugout...
with his crazy hair sticking up in a thousand different directions...
or even him talking about taking a nap before games.
and i just die in a fit of giggles!
which of course puts me in the line of fire of glares from the men in my house.
they just dont understand...

by IrishPrincess on Jul 24, 2007 1:49 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Napping
Awwww, Heap in a heap, taking a snooze!  That would be adorable.

by Lauren T. on Jul 24, 2007 8:51 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

You know...
..one of these days I'd love for you to do a guest post over at Rain Delay. ;)

by Rain Delay on Jul 23, 2007 10:35 PM EDT   0 recs

haa
Sure, I'd love to! What did you have in mind?

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 9:40 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Well...
I think I'd leave that totally up to you! Whatever you want to talk about would be fine by me.

by Rain Delay on Jul 24, 2007 10:52 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

nice
i always like when you put salty in these. lol.
royals & braves fan.

by teahen24 on Jul 23, 2007 11:28 PM EDT   0 recs

Salty is comic gold
I'd be totally bereft of material if we ever traded him.

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 9:42 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

fangirl moment in 5...4...3...2...1
OMGOMGBRIBRIINGLASSESSUPERKAWAIIIIII!!!

Salty: HA!! SERIOUSLY?? HI MOM!! HI ASHLEY! CHECK IT OUT YOU GUYS I'M TOTALLY IN SAN FRANCISCO!! WHAT TIME IS IT THERE?? OK I'LL CALL YOU BYE!!

Reporter: /awkward silence
Heap and Frenchy: /run for the bus
Reporter: /turns to camera
Reporter: Ha! Well, as you can see, even the bat boys are excited!

def. gold, all around.

Ya Allah! [Similar Minds | Myspace]

by thormanDOE on Jul 24, 2007 5:09 AM EDT   0 recs

thanks, ha
I saw a picture of him in like, "cool" goggle style (?? they looked like science lab goggles) glasses at a signing last year, but this one with the nerdy glasses tops all.

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 9:44 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

dude,
that n** did NOT have on bifocals are you f'in serious???

do you have pictures of THAT? O_O

Ya Allah! [Similar Minds | Myspace]

by thormanDOE on Jul 24, 2007 6:51 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

low quality pictures, but yes
I don't know that you'd call them bifocals: check it out

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 7:05 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

..it looks
like he's getting ready for woodshop or something. Now that I think about it, you should do a "Flash" back to Heap and Frenchy's days in Highschool. lol

by Rain Delay on Jul 24, 2007 8:35 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

omg
That is a hell of an idea!!

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 9:12 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Make sure all the rookies are there!
http://blabberinbraves.blogspot.com/

by Chipper on Jul 24, 2007 9:32 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Also, make one of them a teacher's pet!
http://blabberinbraves.blogspot.com/

by Chipper on Jul 24, 2007 9:33 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

hmmm
That would be Orr, seems like. Fails his classes, but so goshdarn nice!

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 10:03 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

lol
well thank you :)

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 24, 2007 10:02 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

great great idea
looking forward to it!

by IrishPrincess on Jul 25, 2007 1:37 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

No problemo..
..oh and I noticed (tonight/today) a shot of Frenchy  and Salty on the railing. They seemed pretty chummy..

by Rain Delay on Jul 25, 2007 2:47 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

oh no kidding
I rewound my Tivo like four times.

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 25, 2007 10:15 AM EDT to parent up   0 recs

yeah..
I can't remember what inning, because I lost track after a while. But it's there Frenchy's smiling that toothy grin of his with his arm around Salty's back. They're leaning at the railing.

I almost want to say it was around the 9th inning. With the Braves at bat? Or maybe even in extras...boy talk about being vague. lol

by Rain Delay on Jul 25, 2007 12:25 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

oh I saw it
I meant to say, "yeah, no kidding, I watched it like four times." Haa ;)

by Velcro Vernacular on Jul 25, 2007 2:51 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Okey Dokey?
You hang around with 11 yr olds too much!
Blabberin Braves

by Chipper on Jul 25, 2007 7:50 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Hey....
..that must mean I'm doing something right as a parent.

by Rain Delay on Jul 25, 2007 10:11 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

Yeah
good for you. I was just joking!
http://blabberinbraves.blogspot.com/

by Chipper on Jul 26, 2007 12:58 PM EDT to parent up   0 recs

thanks!
he is sooo blind.

Brian at bat: o_o O_O o_o

sooooo blind.

Ya Allah! [Similar Minds | Myspace]

by thormanDOE on Jul 24, 2007 8:00 PM EDT   0 recs

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