Poetic Justice - The Mark Redman Story

This Diary entry by Crosby was too good to leave on the right sidebar. Enjoy.

Warning: There is profanity in this post.

For weeks now, I have sat here hoping upon hope that Mark Redman would be able to get himself straight.  Yes... Mark Redman wasn't brought into Spring Training until the middle of March.  Yes... Mark Redman is a veteran who could eat up innings.  Yes... Mark Redman... We have heard every conceivable reason why it is that you can't pitch.

Now... Here is the true answer... Poetic Justice for Mark Redman.

It's the end of October, his contract was up.
The Royals knew when to say, enough is enough.
At 4.5 million he's not worth a shit.
So he hung up his shoes and said "Fuck It... I quit".

So November and December they came and they went.
Not a call was made to him...no letter was sent.
His hopes were flambéed like his career up in flame.
And he looked in the mirror to find someone to blame.

Lay-Z-Boy, Lay-Z-Boy... how well you sleep.
More Ho-Ho's and Cheetos and shit you shan't eat.
For January and February may bring you good cheer
Or at least a good offer to pay pitching for beer.

Ring a ding, ding goes the phone on the wall.
An offer?  An offer?  To throw the damn ball?
With the fact that my ERA sucked for a Royal non-contender,
It's amazing to me, a contract you would tender.

But tender they did, that shrewd Bravos GM,
They offered a contract to a washed up, has been.
So off to the big leagues returns "The `Ole Plug"
With his fastball of eighty... as fast as a slug.

Oh and Four, Oh and Four is the chant that we hear.
It's a chant that can be heard, oh so loud... oh so clear.
Many leads given up... an ERA over ten,
To keep him any longer would be committing a sin.

So please Johnny Schuerholtz and Big Bobby Cox,
It's time to do what it takes...grow some rocks.
Cut your ties with Mark Redman, admit "What a mistake"
Before another division title is really at stake.

~Crosby